The Official Fanfiction University of Brave
by Vaneria Potter
Summary: Bad Spelling, Failed Plots and Cringe-Worthy writing. Hope in the form of a snarky Co-Ordinator and some annoyed characters. Mini-Mor'dus and a real-life experience. The Official Fanfiction University of Brave is here.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: The concept of OFU belongs to Miss Cam, and is used with Permission. 'Brave' belongs to Dreamworks and Pixar._

_Summary: Bad Spelling, Failed Plots and Cringe-Worthy writing. Hope in the form of a snarky Co-Ordinator and some annoyed characters. Mini-Mor'dus and a real-life experience. The Official Fanfiction University of Brave is here._

* * *

**CHAPTER ONE**

The castle of Dun Broch stood proud against the backdrop of the Scottish Highland mountains.

A few hills away was a smaller building, looking suspiciously more like a tower fortress than a castle. In a small room near the top, regally ignoring the narrative obligation, Queen Elinor sat across from a tall woman in a grey kirtle, looking over piles of paper that had somehow been missed until the last minute.

Finally, the Queen folded up the last of the papers and stood. In a gesture of respect for royalty, the other woman also rose to her feet. Queen Elinor waved for her to sit down again. "Will you be all right to organize collecting the students? Merida and I are going riding to try to find my crown again."

It would be the third such ride, and actually Merida's idea, now that mother and daughter were getting along so much better. The other woman nodded, patting a bear the size of a dog. "I'll be fine. I'm sending the Woodcarver Witch to hand out enrolment forms, and the Dingwall Giant as back-up."

Queen Elinor gave a rare laugh and left.

Leaning back in her chair, Miss Mairi stretched and tried to remember if she had forgotten anything. Curriculum and teachers sorted out, yes. Young MacIntosh coaxed out of hiding after he had discovered his popularity among modern fangirls and Wee Dingwall persuaded not to go Berzerk at the first Glomp (the Minis would take care of that), yes. Mini-Mor'dus trained… well, mostly. Enrolment forms prepared and enchanted to _not _turn the students into bears during transit, yes.

A Graduate of OFUR and applicant of OFUM (denied because there was already an overflow of students), Miss Mairi was well aware that most OFU students really did deserve to be there, and couldn't help a smile.

Let the school year begin.

* * *

Eva, better known to the Internet and Fanfiction world as '**BraveGurl21**', put the final touches on her latest fanfic, hoping that the trolls who had called the last several chapters 'an abomination and a blight on literature' would have caught onto the fact that she was ignoring them and paying no attention to their 'Advice'.

Who needed to remember to spellcheck, anyway, especially when it would take a whole five extra minutes to post the chapter? So what if she had borrowed a few phrases from other fics and sources and forgotten to give credit? Did it really matter that someone from several centuries ago would almost certainly not even know the meaning of the slang 'woot' much less use it in conversation?

Eva's sulky thoughts were interrupted by a loud cackle from behind her, nearly making her fall off her chair as she spun around to see a hunched old woman in peasent clothes and a huge man in a kilt.

The old woman bustled over to look at Eva's computer screen, making a tutting sound that reminded Eva of her old grandmother when she disapproved of Eva's clothing choice. What did 'ringbarked' even mean? "Oh, my, you're certainly coming, dearie. Fill this out and sign at the bottom."

Eva took the paper thrust at her in a daze. It was longer than she would have thought as she started reading, filling the form out as she went.

_Dear Fanfiction Writer,_

_You have been selected to attend the Official Fanfiction University of Brave. _

_If you ever want to write fanfiction again, this is not optional. Protests can be made in person and will be given the consideration that they deserve. We look forward to receiving you upon completion of your enrolment form._

**Name and/or Title you wish to be known by: **Eva was a boring name, but her pen-name probably wouldn't work, either. Hmm, what was something that would grab attention? 'Abagail, Lady of the Glen'.

**Gender: Male/Female [delete which is inappropriate]** Female, obviously. She crossed out 'Male'.

**Species: Human/Other [please specify] **'Other'? Best to stick with 'Human', just in case.

**Age:** 15

**Brief description of yourself [appearance, personality, exploitable weakness]:** Eva hated these things. It wasn't her fault that she hadn't grown into her body yet! Blonde hair, brown eyes, average height, and she didn't like camping.

**Which Character(s) do you lust after: **Young MacIntosh. He already had fans in the movie, so no-one could complain about her liking him.

**Who is your favourite Character? Why? **Merida, of course! She was the Heroine, and a Princess, and she could do what she wanted.

**Who is your least favourite Character? Why?** Queen Elinor. She was so overbearing! It was all 'do this' and 'do that' and she attacked Merida and Fergus while she was a bear!

**Weapon: Yes/No [If yes, please specify]** Eva didn't have the first clue about fighting, but it would be cool if she could shoot like Merida, and how hard could that be? She underlined 'yes' and wrote down 'Bow and Arrows'.

**Rank: Warrior/Noble/Commoner [delete which is inappropriate]** Well, it would be nice to be a warrior, but they didn't seem to really do anything except guard, and being a Noble would get her closer to Young MacIntosh. She crossed out Warrior and Commoner.

**Have you ever written a Mary-Sue/Gary-Stu?** Of course not! Her OC wasn't a Mary-Sue. Just because she could out-shoot Merida and was stronger than Fergus while still being thin and wasn't scared of Mor'du and was better at magic than the Witch didn't make her a Mary-Sue. Lady Abagail was scared of Lions, and didn't like getting her dress dirty, so she had flaws.

**What kind of fanfiction do you most commonly write?** Well, stories, Eva supposed. She didn't like writing poetry, so what else was there?

**Have you ever been to an OFU before? If yes, which one?** Until five minutes ago, Eva hadn't even known that there was any such thing as an Official Fanfiction University. No, she hadn't been to one before.

**We await your arrival on as soon as possible.**

**Signed: Miss Mairi, Course Co-Ordinatior**

**X**

**Student Signature.**

Wondering if it was all just an elaborate dream, Eva looked up at the old woman, who was smirking nastily. She cackled, and Eva suddenly had a very bad feeling. "Get some rest, dearie. You'll need it."

_._

_._

_._

_._

* * *

_A/N: If I offend anyone with this, please be assured that it was unintentional. If you want to enrol, copy-and-paste the form and fill it out. I don't know if you are allowed to put it in a review, so feel free to PM it._

_For anyone who cares, 'ringbarked' is a less-than-complimentary term for an outfit that leaves a bare midriff, often used by disapproving older generations who feel it shows a lack of self-respect on the part of the wearer. My Grandfather explained it to me when I asked why my youngest sister always got called ringbarked and I didn't.  
_

_Thanks,  
_

_Nat  
_


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer: All of the Brave characters belong to Pixar, the concept of Official Fanfiction Universities belongs to Miss Cam, and are borrowed with permission._

_Summary: See Previous Chapters_

* * *

**CHAPTER TWO**

Eva slowly regained consciousness to a rocking motion and the soft creak of timber. That was strange, since she was pretty sure that her bed was a solid matress, rather than a hammock, and there were no trees near her bedroom window.

She regained consciousness a lot faster when one of the bodies nearby sat up with a loud shriek and started bouncing around. She was on the short side, but very colourful, with black hair that had been coloured green and pink in parts. "Oh, my god! I can't believe it's real! I mean, I know the crazy old lady showed up, but I didn't think it was serious!"

Eva could only blink as another girl woke up. She also shrieked, but was less excited and more nervous. Eva put that aside for now, trying to think of something to say. "Why do you have pink hair?"

The first girl stopped bouncing, which made the boat settle down a bit, and glared. "It's faded magenta, damn it! I'm Sydney, who are you guys?"

The other girl calmed down a bit. "Call me Lady Evanna. Um, you know that we're doomed, right?"

Eva and Sydney stared at her, but were stopped from replying by a boy entering. Through the open hatch, Eva caught a brief glimpse of a narrow walkway, rowers on each side. "Hi, all! We're nearly there! Is anyone else worried?"

Lady Evanna brightened, brushing her hair out of her brown eyes. "No! I emailed a few friends after I got the enrolment papers, since a few of them have been to another OFU, and one of them was hyperventilating when she called me back, before I fell unconscious and woke up here. From what I could get out of her, it's going to be a bit more life-like than we were imagining, but how bad can it be?"

Eva hoped that she wasn't like this all the time, and steered the subject away. "Have you seen the course list? Why do you think they had us put down whether we were noble, commoner or warrior?"

The boy shrugged. "I don't know, but I haven't seen many commoners around. There was one girl, and she said it was because if girls had to get married at 14 or 15, then at least commoners had a bit more choice in things. I'm Ian, by the way."

Eva smiled as a gentle thump indicated that the boat had docked. "I'm Eva, this is Sydney and Lady Evanna. I didn't see the course list yet, what do we have?"

Sydney flourished a piece of paper as the captain not-quite-threw them off, muttering darkly in Gaelic. "We're going to learn so much! _Runes: Elder Furthark, Ogham, and their uses. Say It With Words: Medieval Scottish, Modern English, and why they are not mutually inclusive. A Day In The Life: Behaviour, Daily Routine and more…"_

Eva peeked over her shoulder. "_Weapons Training: No, it really does take practice._ So we get to shoot and stuff like Merida?"

Yet another girl, this one carrying a spear, walked up to them. "In your case, I'd go with 'and stuff'. Come on, the orientation is about to start."

Eva ignored the sarcasm and followed the girl along a path toward the hills, where two castles stood.

* * *

They finally gathered in the courtyard of the smaller castle, where a tall, dark-haired woman was waiting for them. "Good afternoon, students. I am Miss Mairi, your Course Co-Ordinator, and this is the Official Fanfiction University of Brave, where you will learn to write acceptable fanfiction. Are there any inane questions you want to ask?"

Everyone instantly tried to ask questions at the same time, but a boy managed to shout over everyone else. "Will we get to bunk with the Characters? I can start to woo Merida!"

Since that was the question everyone wanted to ask, they settled down to hear the response. Miss Mairi smiled benevolently. It was a very forboding sight. "I suggest that you don't repeat that in front of any of the staff, especially the Princess herself. I'm sorry to say that the Staff Section is in a different building entirely, and there are guards to ensure than you cannot sneak out of this building, let alone into the Staff section. While I fully expect some of you to try no matter what I say, I strongly advise against it. You have been warned."

There was a depressed collective groan and a few fugitive looks from students already plotting a way around the restriction. Lady Evanna raised her hand, looking apprehensive. "When to we start classes? Will we have time to settle in first?"

Miss Mairi looked slightly less stern, probably pleased at having a sensible question to answer. "You will have the rest of today and tomorrow to settle in and learn your way around, but classes will start first thing the following morning, no exceptions."

She waved a hand in dismissal. "There is a list of dormitory arrangements and a map on the wall as you go through that door. There are no mixed-gender arrangements, and unless you are completely unable to tolerate each other to the point of injury, there will be no changes. You will find uniforms and a list of rules in your rooms, and I suggest you read the list carefully, because it will be enforced."

Ian raised his hand again. "Enforced by who?"

The boy was unfortunately tackled by a mass of dark fur roughly a metre high, which eventually resolved itself into two very small bears. Miss Mairi smirked. "A serious infraction will be dealt with by me or one of the Staff. Smaller problems will be dealt with by the Mini-Mor'du's, which are created every time a fanfic author spells a name wrong."

This time her smile was somewhat malicious as a number of students started to look guilty. "But I'm sure none of you had problems with that, when it is so easy to look up the spelling on an official fansite or novelization. Those two are Eleanor and Marada. You will most likely meet more throughout the year."

The students started to file into the main tower when the gates opened again, and three young men walked in. "Miss Mairi, Queen Elinor…"

They stopped dead as they took in the half-full courtyard. For a moment, everything was silent.

Then forty-odd students stampeded toward them.

.

.

.

.

* * *

_A/N: Sorry it took so long to get this finished, but I've been insanely busy. If you didn't feature in this chapter, I apologize, and I'll try to fit you in the next one. _

_Enrollments are still open, so feel free to sign up._

_Coming up, the students settle in._

___Thanks, Nat_


	3. Chapter 3

_Disclaimer: As usual, if you recognize it, I probably don't own it._

_Summary: See Previous Chapters_

_A/N: This chapter is dedicated to my twin, who drowned on December 26, 2005. Rest In Peace, Sally._

* * *

**CHAPTER THREE**

The first hospital visit came not even a full day into the semester.

Celesita's Paladin, a male student with blond hair and glasses, failed to realize that a Scottish horse might bear a passing resemblance of one of the My Little Pony characters, but it was far more likely to kick you, hard, than a character from a children's show was. Thinking that it would be nice to hug Buttercup did not translate so well when you tried to glomp a draft horse, which panicked and broke two of your ribs.

None of the staff had been very sympathetic, especially when they pointed out that it was mostly his own fault for coming up from behind and startling the animal. Fortunately, Pixar movies didn't pay as much attention to how long it would realistically take for an injury to heal, and the Witch said that the ribs would be healed in a week.

Given that the University Healer was the Witch, half the students were waiting to see if there were any unexpected side effects. Especially of the fangs, fur and claws variety.

Miss Mairi had been totally unaware of what a 'Brony' was, and had been only dimly aware of My Little Pony once she passed the age of five (though she refused to say how long ago that had been). Fortunately for the not-so-fortunate student, Miss Mairi also appreciated that at least he was secure enough in his masculinity to admit it, especially since it meant that he – and by extension, the rest of the male population – would have less of a base to complain about something being 'girl's work'.

Two boys had already tried to protest that about cooking, and been bluntly informed that you generally didn't bring wives with you when you marched off to war, so unless you wanted to starve on the way there, boys learned the basics of cooking, too.

Apparently, the same rule applied to sewing class, which was the source of the next hospitalization. Sewing might be a predominantly feminine occupation in medieval Scotland, but you didn't take your wives on a war campaign, so boys got to learn enough to mend their own kilts, at the least.

The problem was a young boy by the name of Zack, whose 'exploitable weakness' was needles. He had probably meant doctor's needles, but the enrolment office had a very nasty sense of humour, and a very good sense of creative interpretation, so even a sewing needle caused a minor panic attack, and Zack was carted off to the infirmary for a soothing (and foul-tasting) tonic.

* * *

Eva had quickly taken up the position that if it was something that was likely to result in protests, it was better if someone else did the protesting, and therefore got punished for it. If punishment was not dished out, then she could be the second to complain about whatever it was.

Not that complaints got you anywhere in the first place, as a student who had enrolled as a Selkie had discovered first-hand. Selkies were creatures out of Celtic Myth, shapeshifters who could change from seal to human with the help of a magical seal-skin. Sadly for Nona, her Selkie form had not come with instructions on how to remove the seal-skin, resulting in a blue-eyed, golden-furred seal looking even more mournful than seals usually do as she waited for someone to take pity on her and figure it out.

After being shown some of the fanfiction written about them to ensure that the Characters wouldn't be too nice to the students, it took King Fergus – and his staunch disbelief in magic, which affected the magic skin enough that they could get it off – showing up to talk to Miss Mairi about weapons lessons before Nona managed to figure it out.

Luckily, she had been attempting to talk to Miss Mairi by herself, so the happily-married King was the only one to see her change back. Seals did not go about with a spare change of clothing, so Nona had taken the seal-skin off, only to find that her human form was totally naked. Miss Mairi's reaction was to sigh, hand her a cloak, and tell her to go put her uniform on and catch up on her missed work.

* * *

All in all, Miss Mairi was quite happy with the results of the Orientation week, especially the introductory classes.

Her time at other OFUs had taught her that sooner or later, something would happen to render the kitchen temporarily unusable. Sometimes it was one of the characters (in this case, most likely the Royal Triplets), sometimes it was a student trap or plot gone wrong, sometimes it was just chance.

Queen Elinor, who had seamlessly assimilated the role of Vice-Headmistress into her other responsibilities, frowned slightly as she looked over the reports. "I agree that we need to teach basic life-skills first, but wouldn't it be better if we got the students started on how to write properly as soon as possible?"

Miss Mairi tallied up a few numbers, frowning at Haris, Huebrt and Hammish until the three Minis came down from the shelf they had been climbing on. "Yes, but consider this preventive measures. At least this way, if someone destroys the kitchen – it always happens at least once – everyone knows enough to make their own food until it is fixed."

Queen Elinor knew how hard it was for a teenage girl to sit still and sew when they wanted to do something else. She smiled, somehow managing to mix beatific with faintly nasty. "And since stampeding – or trying to stampede – a lust object is likely to result in torn clothes and trampled students, knowing that you'll be the one mending it may get some of them to think twice."

Miss Mairi returned the smile raising a goblet. "Eventually. Add the threat of the Witch as the school nurse…"

Queen Elinor tapped Miss Mairi's goblet with her own, "…and if nothing else, there is less structural damage from rampaging students, and the Minis can deal with any more subtle attempts when they realize that Stampeding only makes it worse for themselves."

It might work, or it might not, but it was worth a try.

.

.

.

.

* * *

_A/N: I've been insanely busy, so writing has fallen a bit to the wayside. I will, however, work on this fic when I can until it's finished. I can't fit all of the students by name into one chapter, but rest assured that everyone will make an appearance eventually._

_This is more a filler chapter, and we'll get to more detailed classes later. If anyone has suggestions for what they'd like to see, I'd love to hear them._

_Thanks_

_Nat_


	4. Enrolment Notice

_Disclaimer: Not mine, don't own, etc._

_Summary: As usual_

* * *

**ENROLMENT NOTICE**

To all potential students,

Due to limited placement, the Enrolment Office is now closed for the year. Believe me, the Staff of the Official Fanfiction University of Brave regret this as much as you do.

Signed,

_Miss Mairi_

Deputy Headmisstress  
Course Co-Ordinator

**Current Students**

_(You aren't getting out of it THAT easily!)_

**Rifka**

**The Emerald Archer**

**Nona**

**Gavina Lyall**

**Nia**

**Celestia's Paladin**

**Zack**

**Derin**

**Sydney**

**Lady Evanna**


End file.
